'Sleeper'

"I'm not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers."

I don't dig the physical comedy of Woody Allen. I'd much prefer to listen to a irritated Allen rant and rave about his own insecurities and inabilities as a human being.

It's good to know that Allen can exist in modern times in addition to 200 years into the future.

Still makes me sick that Allen's characters can still bag a piece like Diane Keaton. I mean, I get why Allen the filmmaker can get Keaton, but it makes zero sense that Allen's characters can get her. It pumps up the confidence of geeks, unsociables and retards entirely too much.

'The Umbrellas of Cherbourg'

It took a little while for me to ask myself: "So, are they going to sing the entire movie?"

The answer: Yes.

The film actually lags for a little bit at the beginning but I thought the final 30 minutes or so were excellent story telling. I'm sure there's some deep message buried somewhere in there and without a doubt umbrellas are some kind of symbol (maybe, you never know when fate's going to rain shit on you ... so you might as well have an umbrella ... or a rich guy to marry).

'Sherman's March'

So, in the middle of "Sherman's March," the filmmaker Ross McElwee captures a Southern woman around 1981 discussing the Civil War. During this little diatribe, the woman states that slavery, in essence, should be voluntary.

She notes: If a person wants to be a slave, then they should be allowed to.

Hmm. Where does the "I want to be a slave!" line start? Also, the term "slave" pretty much reeks of involuntary labor and subservience.

Why wasn't a two-and-a-half hour documentary made about this woman?

****
Otherwise, I thoroughly enjoyed this film. Basically, McElwee wants to make a documentary about General William Sherman's "March to the Sea" -- a campaign that devastated the South during the American Civil War. Instead, he gets dumped days before starting and decides (or maybe the spirit of the film decided for him) to instead document the lives, attitudes and feelings surrounding love and relationships in the American South in the early 1980s.

What's most fascinating as McElwee visits former loves, girls he's being set up with and chicks he meets along Sherman's path toward Columbia, South Carolina, is the fact that we, the viewer, have no idea the state, length or any real details about what's going on.

Was McElwee essentially shacking up with these chicks? Making babies? Was it purely platonic the entire time? How involved was he in these girls' lives? How the hell did he come upon girl after girl that wanted anything to do with him only for him to eventually leave? How long were these trysts? Weeks? Months? Days?

We don't know any of these details. So that makes McElwee either a cad or extremely inept toward relating to womankind.

'King of Comedy'

Still loving all the of the Martin Scorsese (I can finally spell his name correctly) films. This is also probably Robert DeNiro's best performance I've seen. Just edging out "Taxi Driver" and "Godfather II."

I also love the talk nowadays of how people are disillusioned about celebrity and getting famous. That you just "get discovered" and make it without putting your time in.

Well, it's obvious that it existed 20 years ago and probably was going on 100 years ago. It's the "American Idol" experience before "Idol" even existed.

And if you need any other proof that Jerry Lewis is greatness, then watch this movie.

'Licensed to Ill'

I've never been a Beastie Boys fan, which is odd because I'm both white, scared of black people and generally like rap and hip-hop music.

Mostly I dislike them is because they're basically talking alternately in a sing-songy voice. Sometimes doing it over each other.

It's neat, but not exactly groundbreaking or anything.

Basically, "Licensed to Ill" is a soundtrack to the life of every dickhead and frat boy. Christ. "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn," "Fight For Your Right," "Brass Monkey" and "Paul Revere."

In fact, I might hate the Beasties more today than I did yesterday. But not as much as tomorrow.

'Beauty and the Beat'

My consciousness of The Go-Gos has three different phases.

As a child, I thought The Go-Gos were incredibly catchy (as well as the Bangles) and I loved them. My earliest memories of music come from 1980s pop radio and me thinking it was the most amazing sounding thing ever.

The second phase came in high school and college after I watched the "Behind the Music" of The Go-Gos and I realized they were all sluts and it drove me crazy because I would've been such a hardcore groupie.

The third phase is taking place right now. I saw "Beauty and the Beat" at the record store for a silly low price so I picked it up. I love it. I've played it probably a dozen times in two weeks. It's punky, fun, incredibly melodic and energetic has all hell.

'Red Dirt Girl'

I just imagine the ghost of Gram Parsons coming down from heaven or hell and thanking his former lover, Emmylou Harris, for the shitty adult contemporary album.

This album sucks.