'Red River'

I remember watching westerns all the time as a kid. Growing up with a father that wished he was born 100 years earlier in the middle of nowhere to raise cattle and live a much harder life than he actually did, tuning in "The Lone Ranger," "Gunsmoke," "Wyatt Earp," "Have Gun Will Travel," "Rawhide" and others were daily occurrences.

Westerns -- in terms of movies -- I'm not that familiar with and, frankly, I'm not that familiar with John Wayne. He, in fact, is a true celebrity because he's a persona that spans generations and almost takes on a life of its own. Like Marilyn Monroe or James Dean. How many fans of those two have never seen one of their movies? Probably a lot.

This is an alright film. It's very tense because John Wayne is such a jerk all the time. I did like Montgomery Clift a lot.

Several things: I did how they tried to make Wayne "young" at the beginning then they aged him a lot at the beginning (14 years difference). He looks 80 at the end of the film and 35 at the beginning (he was 41 during filming).

Also, the guy that keeps dipping his finger in the sugar and he eventually knocks all the pans out of the cook wagon and starts the stampede was ridiculous. Seriously, he was purposefully just knocking down dishes and stuff. It's one of the funniest scenes in film history and it's not even supposed to be.

'Metropolis'

Man, did the Germans know how to make a silent film or what?

This is a masterful, visually-stunning film. A good film of this era, I think, can be judged on certain shots: Can you look at a frame and say for sure that it's from 1927 or 2005? There are parts in this film that blur that line, which to me makes it quite a feat in filmmaking because it's almost night and day to compared that era to the current era.

A very nice Orwellian tale (a good 22 years before "Nineteen Eighty-Four) that mixes Biblical allusions, fantastic set design, an eerie sci-fi plot. Just great stuff.

'The Hills Have Eyes'

Horror flicks are most enjoyable to me because there's a certain amount of enjoyment you take watching the supposed protaganists get murdered.

Anyone who's watched "The Hills Have Eyes" knows what I mean. You were just dying for the father, mother, brother-in-law, brother and sister to get it. Well, not the sister. She was hot. But all the others were killed and it turns out the dog was the true hero.

The scariest part of this film is that I watched on VHS. Old VHS. I hear people complain that they do not notice the difference between regular TV and digital or HD TV. I think those people are ridiculous. It's like saying there's no difference between VHS and DVD. There's a gigantic difference and if I never watch another film on VHS, it will be too soon.

'The Maltese Falcon'

Do we cut old movies too much slack?

How many times do we watch a movie from the 1940s, 1950s or 1960s and just sludge through the poor acting, shit writing and poor production and laugh it off because the people at the time didn't know any better.

I realize I'm supposed to like "The Maltese Falcon" but I didn't because it sucked.

Frankly, it was a movie about Humphrey Bogart slapping guns out of people's hands because that's all he did the entire two hours.

And there weren't even any hot women in this film. Just sucks.

'Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia'

I didn't think much of Isela Vega at first, but as the film went along I began to really love her. Just oozes sex.

Of course, getting topless a lot helps.

I really like this film because it's about a bunch of gutless, greaseball shady characters in Mexico and they basically cast it with a bunch of greaseball looking guys.

My favorite part is when the main guy starts talking to the head. Calling it "Al."

'The Postman Always Rings Twice'

Per this 1,001 project, I think I've read and seen the book and film of a particular title once.

It was "Naked Lunch" and I could not have chosen a particular opus that was written one way and made into a film a total different way. Not that it matters cause the book was so screwy.

"The Postman Always Rings Twice" is the second. The story and film follow hand in hand, except for one thing.

In the film, they have a soliloquy where he describes the idea of a postman ringing twice, as in, you will always get your comeuppance.

But they don't have the same explanation or dialogue in the book. I guess the writers/director thought they needed to explain the title because the film was being consumed by wider audiences.

Good story, though.

'Easy Rider'

Apparently, this a film about two guys who ride motorcycles around the United States only to get shot by a pair of hillbillies.

What the director and writers would like you to believe is that this is a tale of two son's of the republic seeking the "true America," which is a lot like porn: You can't define it, but you know it when you see it.

Basically, this was all a ruse to get high and not have any roots. Which I totally get, but don't disguise is as anything but pure debauchery.

Plus, if you're searching for the true America in the 1960s, should you really be rolling through small towns while you have unwieldy facial hair and devil-may-care attitudes? It's like looking for sugar in an ant hill.

'Frankenstein'

Ain't it funny how certin stories get adapted and re-adapted over time to the point that the real, original story is lost.

What do you know about Frankenstein?

Chances are, you haven't read the book so you've seen movies, comics and maybe derivatives of the original story.

To me, Frankenstein's monster was a lumbering, dull freak of a man made up of different body parts who was loved like a child by his master and escaped and didn't kill a little girl because she gave him a flower.

The book's a different story. The creation of the monster is almost an afterthought. It takes up such a small part of the entire narrative. Dr. Frankenstein in fact is a very young, naive student, who does not have an assistant named Igor.

Dr. Frankenstein hates his monster and is almost relieved when it escapes only to be downhearted when he discovers that the monster, unknowingly, killed his kid brother. The monster then begs the doctor to make the thing a mate and he will not kill any further.

Also, the monster is very well read and has a fine grasp on the English language (or French, in the book). The monster then proceeds to murder the doctor's best friend and fiance. They go on a chase through Europe and up to the Artic Circle.

The monster, too, is not lumbering. In fact, he's almost super-human with the ability to got quickly over great distances and climb impenetrable crags and valleys.

Not everything is as we think it is.

'Crimes and Misdemeanors'

Another Woody Allen flick. A lot darker than a lot of his other films, which is not a bad thing. It's part of the reason why Allen is great. He makes films he wants to make and tells stories that intrigue him. He seeks and finds the ultimate peculiarities and weak points of seemingly strong characters (and not-so-strong characters) and manipulates them.

Seems to be a theme going through this little project (especially as of late): Good vs. bad. The duality of man and all that jazz. Is mankind generally evil because it does evil things or can live with doing evil things. Isn't remorse and conscience what separates us from the dolphins and apes? Isn't it why Raskolnikov being plagued by his actions makes sense?

Allen paints a dark picture of humanity: That a person most capable of love is also capable of a heinous murder and, several months later, be no worse for the wear.

'Sound Affects'

When criticizing albums of bands that I'm not entirely too familiar with, I try to give them the benefit of whatever doubt. In case the work simply doesn't click with me.

I pretty much thing this album sucks. I loved "All Mod Cons" and then to get this generic, poppy piece of crap was a giant disappointment.

Especially maddening to hear them rip off Steve Miller's "Swing Town" ("Pretty Green") and then to get ripped off themselves by Franz Ferdinand ("Set the House Ablaze").

It took me about three solid listens to realize that I was never going to enjoy this album.

'Prizzi's Honor'

This was a tough watch because of Jack Nicholson's over-acting as an Italian mob soldier.

It also felt disjointed. I never bought into Anjelica Huston's role. I didn't understand where she fit in. I also was never invested in any of the characters. I wasn't compelled with the love affair of Nicholson and Kathleen Turner. Just seems so ridiculous.

Funny thing, however: Both John Randolph and William Hickey are in this film in rather important roles. They both were also in "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" as Clark's father (Randolph) and Uncle Lewis (Hickey). So during the filming of "Christmas Vacation," did those two guys just sit around and talk about doing "Prizzi's Honor." It's not out of the ordinary to see guys act together in different films, but from the mafia thriller of "Prizzi's Honor" to the hokey "Christmas Vacation" is quite a stretch.

'The Natural'

You know those ridiculous sports movies where the goofball team is owned by the uncaring owners that seek to drive the team into the cellar for the whole point of making more money (somehow) and then comes along a nobody player who energizes the team with play and attitude and suddenly he's the hero, the team wins and it culminates in a long, drawn-out dramatic scene at the end where our hero saves the day.

Entertaining, but not good.

You'd think I'm describing "Major League," "Unnecessary Roughness" or "Little Giants." But I'm not. I'm speaking about a film that's regarded as one of the best sports movies ever and it plays out like a two-bit piece of crap.

"The Natural" sucks. It's lop-sided, ill-put together, poorly acted and really poorly cast. And it follows every plotline and curve that every other generic sports movie throws out.

'Every Picture Tells a Story'

I first listened to this Rod Stewart album about four months ago.

I had nothing to really say about it. It's good, but a bit nondescript.
Until yesterday. When me and my 2-year-old daughter hung out in our gameroom, listened to this record and fooled around on guitar, ukulele and mandolin.

It's a much better record now with that memory etched on my brain.

'Vertigo' & 'The Birds'

These are rewatches.

Something I've thought about for a while: Currently I'm going through the films, records and books I haven't before watched, listened to or read. But I thought about going through all the films, records and books I'd already gone through.

This is borderline. I first and last saw "Vertigo" in college when I started getting interested in films, and I could rent old VHS releases for 50 cents.

"The Birds" I saw earlier in life because as a kid I got really into those movies where the animals, insects or reptiles started attacking people. Like the giant alligator attacking the city or the giant rats attacking the people in the log cabin. "The Birds" is probably the only halfways serious film about crazy-ass animals attacking. I guess birds could fuck you up. I always feel like I could survive such an episode.

What I loved most is that for half the movie, these people exist and party with no worries in the world. Suddenly, birds start attacking people and this is all they can think about.

FYI -- Kim Novak is smoking hot.

'Bull Durham'

This is a funny movie up until the point it turned into a softcore porn. Seriously. Tone it down. I realize it's the 1980s, but how hokey do you have to be to get chicks to watch a baseball movie.

And I was kinda torn by the characters of Susan Sarandon and Kevin Costner.

Tim Robbins was really funny and, frankly, you knew what you were getting out of his character from the first minute to the final minute.

Sarandon basically played a baseball-loving whore, who was also an English teacher (I guess) and read Walt Whitman to a tied up Robbins who had little interest in poetry and more interest in screwing.

Although Sarandon only screwed one of the Durham Bulls a year, she was rebuffed by Costner's Crash Davis and retreated into the bosom of Robbins.

All the while, Davis pined heavily for Sarandon's character. We're led to believe that Costner is semi-sensitive not wanting to just bang and go and he has a sentimental love for baseball, while Sarandon's character loves poetry, literature and goofball philosophies about relationships.

So, basically, these two underachieving whores only wanted to bump uglies on their terms. How noble.

'How It Is'

If you want a nice book to snuggle up to and read on a cold winter's day or to sit on the porch with in the waning heat of a summer's day, do not pick this book up.

I still don't know what it's about.

I know, the guy is in the mud.