'Titanic'

Another chapter of the highest-grossing films of all time that I didn't see.

Let's face it, this was the dumbest movie of all time if you consider how much money it made and how good the film actually is. If you think about it, it's a $200 million chick flick. It's sort of unfair because James Cameron probably truly believes it's a marvel of modern filmmaking considering he recreated a marvel of past shipbuilding with computer technology and sheer will. And $200 million.

The fact that it is considered a chick flick may or may not bother Cameron. I would almost bet it does. Anyway, it did make $1.8 billion (as of 2003). In rentals alone, it's made $900 million.

At 194 minutes and $200 million, Titanic wasn't made to flop. It was made to impress. Not unlike the ship itself.

I don't know if I give the film -- as it broke every stinking box-office record in the world -- an ounce of thought back in 1998. I was able to live without it really bothering me or becoming an issue. I do remember thinking that Kate Winslet was a sort of a hack actress if she agreed to star in this dumb movie.

I'd not known Winslet then and I probably paid her no attention up until five years ago.

Now, I think she's the most perfect human being in the world and I would give up just about everything I hate for the opportunity to be her pool boy or gofer. She is gorgeous and I consider it an honor plugging through 194 minutes of Cameron's drivel just to see Winslet naked getting her portrait done by dumb ol' Jack (of course, outside of the people that lives, no one was luckier than Jack ... he was the only dead guy that got to have sex with Kate Winslet).