'Paths of Glory' & 'Full Metal Jacket'

I might have a new favorite Stanley Kubrick film: "Paths of Glory."

It's amazing that Kubrick could create two anti-war bookends (so to speak) for his career: "Paths" coming out in 1957, fairly early in his career and "Full Metal Jacket" coming out in the 1987, relatively late in his career.

Both are eerily similar with themes and characters depicting the utter insanity of war, the inanity of bureaucratic and self-serving leadership and the layer of humanity pulsing beneath the thin callous of death, destruction, libido, desperation and sadness in every warrior and soldier.

It's easy to watch these two films and just wring your hands in disgust and frustration. Fucked up shit like what happened in these films have been happening since the beginning of time. It's always happened and probably -- on some level -- will keep happening as long as tribes, countries, races, religions and cultures can not get along.

However, none of that should excuse people and fighting. I'm personally not anti-war. It's my belief that as long as there's one army, there will always be two armies. If I could stand on the shore and command the waves from stop crashing and if I could take the leaders of this world by the nape of the neck and tell them peace is better than war, I could. I can't. But maybe there's someone watching "Paths of Glory" realizing the impetus behind the title (as the book was untitled) was Thomas Gray's "Elegy Written in a Country Church-yard": "The paths of glory lead but to the grave."

All while singing the Mickey Mouse Club theme song or humming along to "The Faithful Hussar" with a tear in our eye.

'Laura'

I'd give my right arm to fall asleep on Gene Tierney's ass.

'Captains Courageous'

You know, I always thought that I could've been a fisherman in another life. Or even in this life, I guess. There's still fishermen. I've seen "The Deadliest Catch."

There's something about the sea, living off a boat, working directly toward how you got paid, having a very specific purpose and directly seeing the fruits of your labor.

Also, the idea of living away from everything for months at a time and living a sad, adventureous life, but a life that a majority of the general public couldn't do. It's like being a window washer on high-rise buildings. There must exist an extra special sense of pride knowing that nobody wants your job.

Spencer Tracy is great, FYI.

'The Marshall Mathers LP'

I can't listen to Eminem without thinking that if he was at my high school, he would've been one of the dozen white kids who thought he was black that we always made fun of.

The irony of that is where I went to school and grew up, we honestly didn't have a lot of Hispanic or African Americans. In fact, there were more white kids who thought they were Hispanic or black than we actually had black or Hispanic kids.

At times, Eminem is a master rapper and lyricist. Other times, he falls back on cliche rhymes and his delivery gets really, really boring. The rest of the time he slips and slides somewhere in the middle.

But when he's really good, the content is really good. Maybe some of the best ever and it shows up in record sales, but I don't know if eight million white suburban kids are buying his records because of his talent (doubtful) or due to his devil-may-care attitude, sense of humor and desire to murder his ex-wife.

The problem with Eminem is that he's incredibly self-aware that everyone sees him as a white rapper in a black game and that he sells a ton of records because he is the white rapper in a black game.

And he's a bitter son of a bitch. He hates his mother, his ex-wife and himself for bringing a child into all of this mess. He hates the record companies, execs, fans, media, Internet, parents, right wingers and any music artist that he deems lame or who has dissed him.

All of this taints his music and gives it a harsh glaze that's impossible to just overlook. He takes an entire song to attack the two doofuses behind the Insane Clown Posse, a very vulgar and untalented Detroit rap group that apparently took time to "dis" Eminem. So the natural thing to do is strike back at a band that only 10 percent of the American population has heard and only two percent actually like. In fact, including this song on his record probably made the Insane Clown Posse more money than they could do on their own touring and releasing records.

Other times, Eminem severely dates himself and his record. He mentions The Tom Green Show for crying out loud. Also Limp Bizkit, Britney Spears and all of the boy bands that ruled the charts in 1999. All of whom are distant memories and if it wasn't for Eminem rapping about them, they'd never be remembered.

The other problem with Eminem is the persona he wants to create and the persona that he actually has in the media. The one that exists is a hard-edge, who-gives-a-fuck asshole from the hard streets of Detroit, who has had nothing handed to him and worked for every cent that he's earned.

But take a look at the liner notes from "The Marshall Mathers LP." This is not the same Eminem. The cover shows a broken Eminem laying prostrate in a dank alley, huddled under a jacket looking like a herion addict.

Dig deeper. Inside are photos from Eminem's youth: A wide-eyed, dorky-looking kid who doesn't look like he could hurt a fly, more or less force his wife into a trunk at knife point and drive her to a secluded spot to murder her. Other shots of Eminem show him pensive and contemplative. Other shots have him writing studiously in his notebook, jotting down those dope rhymes about how he gets blamed for everything, whilst nothing is ever his fault.

Maybe Eminem has a severe personality disorder.

Or maybe he has the best sense of humor in the world.

'The Thief of Bagdad'

Quite the spectacle. I would guess if I were a 10-year-old kid in 1924, I would've been agog at this film because it was unlike anything that had come before it.

It brings to life the mystical world of the Middle Eastern -- flying carpets, baggy pants, damsels, distress, big sets, camels and the like. At that point --1924 -- unless you'd been to the mideast, the only way you realized the culture was through Sinbad and literature.

But "The Thief of Bagdad" brought all this to life in a medium that was still very new and very raw.

This film was also one of the first in filmdom to introduce the swashbuckling leading man. Name an earlier movie in which you know the names of the stars? Douglas Fairbanks automatically creates a twinge of recognition. Other than Lillian Gish, I can't think of one and no one nearly on the same level of good looks, personality and Hollywood hunkiness than Fairbanks. Then he created his son, who's equally as hunky.

'Strike'

A bizarre and startling film. And this is before the cow slaughter.

The close-ups of the distorted and insane looking faces twitching and smiling menacingly.

Then there's the slaughter. How disturbing. Blood pouring out of the poor creature's neck like someone tipping over a jar of Kool-Aid.

The communists certainly know how to make some propaganda.

'Enter The Dragon'

I will not pretend to be this lifelong Bruce Lee fan like most other guys will attest.

I watched random, crappy kung fu movies growing up, but in terms of knowing names, faces, titles or whatever, I didn't care. I just couldn't figure out why their mouths moved at different times than the actual voices.

Lee, of course, is a cultural icon. Being a noted badass. And I see why. I don't care about kung fu movies now after watching the best, probably, kung fu of all time. I'll probably never like these movies, but I totally understand Lee's appeal.

Lee is one of the celebrities that died "too young" (as if infants didn't) and is "missed" by people that never met the guy nor were they born when he died due to a reaction from a muscle relaxant.

Lee's value, however, didn't lie in his legs, arms or fists.The dude was fucking charismatic as hell. He's aura just jumped off the screen. He generally seemed like a sweet guy and it sucks that he wasn't able to play out his film career.

If it's any consolation, Steve McQueen, James Coburn, George Lazenby and Chuck Norris served as pallbearers. The coolest set of pallbearers of all time.

'Within Our Gates'

I can't imagine a film made in 1920 that depicted African Americans in a positive light being well responded to. The idea that it was played south of the Mason-Dixon line seems preposterous.

Of course living in the idiom that I've suffered through the last 30 years, imagining this film getting not regarded at all 90 years ago seems pretty obvious. And I think the director points this out.

It's not enough to not be racist, but to a point someone needed to do something about what was happening in this country. Instead, some threw money at the problem and others shrugged it off.

The travesty of a lynching and how graphically the filmmaker made that scene would send chills down your spine. It's not comfortable and as much as the point was to change the minds of a bunch of hillbillies in Alabama, this film was made for the rich northerner who thinks good things and money tend to fix intra-cultural issues.

'M'

A fantastic film. Gritty and dark (extremely dark). To the point that I'm a bit awed that this could've been made in 1931.

The general feeling about the bygone era is that you could walk the streets, let your kids wander about the highways and biways without worry. You could leave your door unlocked at night. Strangers weren't bad people; just people you hadn't gotten to know yet.

That clearly wasn't the case. This isn't some sick set of images from Fritz Lang. These dead little girls and this creepy psychopath are all part of some reality. Truth is, you couldn't just let your kid run around and not worry about nutcases taking advantage and harming them.

My favorite part of "M" is when Peter Lorre's character is standing in front of the "judges and jury" of his peers in the abandoned brewery basement. Lorre looks out at the sea of faces. They calmly sit on the edge of the seat waiting to stone the guy. But they are waiting. They look collected knowing that their enemy was at hand and they'd be able to dole out their lynch mob justice.

My other favorite part is just after when it looks like a handful of men are going to rush up to Lorre's character and smash his skull in. Then they stop and slowly put their hands up. As soon as they stopped, I didn't need to know the police has shown up. It was obvious and a great and humorous scene.

'Battle of Algiers'

I recently read "Paris: A Biography of a City" by Colin Jones. In it, he discusses the Algerian battle for independence as it took place in the Parisian streets.

It's probably one of the few if not only times that a conquered nation fought for independence inside its conquering nation.

However, in the book, Jones references a massacre that took place where thousands of Algieran nationals were peacefully protesting in Paris. Police showed up. Tempers flared. Next thing you know there are dead Algerians floating in the Seine.

Mind you, this is the 1960s. The French government over the next 30 years publically denied that the masscre ever took place and not after three decades did they formally admit to the affair. It's like the United States denying that the Civil Rights movement ever took place.

If governments weren't so stupid, we'd probably vote more.

'Animal Farm'

My friend Rajesh and I had a discussion after I watched the 1951 animated feature "Animal Farm" as to how children would interpret the cartoon reproduction of socialist novelist George Orwell.

"Animal Farm," of course, is a thinly-veiled allegory of communism and inherent flaws within the system (we assume, the USSR) once leadership is poisoned with power and lose the vision of Karl Marx and socialism.

My three-year-old daughter would watch it and be entertained by the talking animals. On a very basic level, she would understand that Napoleon the pig was bad and, generally, the other animals were good.

We also determined that a nine-year-old kid would watch it and not necessarily connect the dots to communist Russia, but realize that the farmer mistreated the animals and this is not right. And that the animals taking over and making everything equal is good. Then the pigs making everything unequal was just as bad as the farmer, the power the animals ousted in order to makes things equal in the first place.

Without really knowing it, the nine year old would be a socialist (if, say, socialism was wholly practical not only on paper or in cartoons).

Furthermore, we concluded that as a kid, you're inherently a socialist because you go (mostly) to public schools where you're taught to share and that every is equal and good. And that there is no such thing as a dumb question. Bad kids are put in timeout: a less harsh version of iberian gulags.

Then in college these kids become real socialist. Then they turn 40 and they become Republicans.

'Funeral'

I thought it was really great in 2005. Today, I think this is one of the best albums I've ever heard. It's probably definitely one of the best of the last decade.

I think it stems from watching the Arcade Fire live. It was surreal experience mainly because I've always wanted to categorize something as "surreal" and also because I never listened to "Funeral" or the Fire's follow-up, Neon Bible, as high-energy, face-burners that made me want to swing around a room like a pencostal preacher.

Seeing them live makes you realize what kind of energy the band exudes and after re-listening -- about another dozen times the last three months -- to "Funeral" I realize the energy was always there, but it needed to be place in some context that I could actualize that energy and tap into it.

One of my favorite all-time records.

'A Christmas Gift For You From Phil Spector'

I recently read Mick Brown's Spector biography, "Tearing Down the Wall of Sound." In it, he talks at length about this album.

He'd probably have to because in the grand scheme of things, for such a prolific producer, Spector really didn't do a ton of work. He had the Ronettes, Darlene Love, the Righteous Brothers and, later, the Beatles, George Harrison and John Lennon.

Considering that's the extent of his work covering four decades, it's not a lot.

Add in that it's really odd, to me, that Spector produced this Christmas album for his "fans" putting his name on it as if rock and roll fans bought albums because he produced them and not because people like the Ronettes.

Needless to say, the guy was delusional and that delusion included the ego the size of Asia. It's an ego unparalleled.

But to cut away from Spector, this is a really cool album. If you want to really get and insight as to what the Wall of Sound was, get this album or tune into an oldes station during the holidays. It's just choreographed, coordinated noise. Nothing steps outside of some arranged boundary.

It's lush and if you know what went into it, the music is really cool to listen to.

'It's A Wonderful Life'

"Are you real?"

(What George Bailey says to Mary when he returns home after his vision.)

My favorite scene is when George Bailey's spent the day looking for the $8,000 that Uncle Billy lost (or had stolen) while going to deposit it in the bank.

Distraught, knowing he could be imprisoned and lose everything, George goes home to his children and wife and bites their head off because he's so frustrated and desperate.

His youngest son pounces on George's lap and growls like a lion. After the second time, George in a fit of anxiety takes his young son in his arms and hugs him as tight as ever, as if it was the for last time.

Why this film is important and popular is scenes like that where the rawest of human emotions are exposed.

If you ever want to know what's it like to be a parent, check that scene out. That epitomizes parenthood.

'Pictures at an Exhibition'

Two reference points because I really don't like Emerson, Lake and Palmer and really have nothing to say about this album other than they did a "Nutcracker" thing at the end and called it "Nutrocker," which is amusing:

1. When I worked at a newspaper, there was a graphics/print guy named Randy. And he loved Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

2. My only knowledge of Emerson, Lake and Palmer is that during their heyday of touring, Carl Palmer -- the drummer -- would have this bit where at a certain point during their show, he would tilt his head back and yank with his teeth at this rope, which would ring a giant bell above him. All while playing the song. Kinda like Led Zeppelin and the gong.

The story is that at some point the drum tech began lowering Palmer's drum stool by small degrees each show so it took a little bit more stretching of the neck and torso to reach the string or rope.

It got to the point where Palmer couldn't reach without almost standing up. So he realizes what's happening and he gets pissed.

So the next show they shorten the string instead.

Get it? EL&P drum techs are rascals.

'The Captive'

This is a dumb film and any movie inspired by Proust is probably going to be some inane, wandering foreign film with no real plot, message or even if it has no point, it feels like it's trying to make a point without doing it. Like the film's too cool to make a point. But if it wanted to, it would.

Nothing against Proust, however. I just don't think everyone is John Grisham or Nick Hornby where you can just transcribe their words to film.

I love this quote from the film's IMDB page:

"This movie doesn't try to tell you what to think or feel about its characters; there is none of the contrivances so common in American movies, none of the manipulation."

Fucking Americans! With their contrivances of telling audiences what to think about their characters. As if in every American film there's a narrator. Like Morgan Freeman in "Shawshank Redemption" coming in and saying, "Oh, by the way, you like Andy Dufresne. He's really a good guy."

What a douchey, non-American thing to say. And to think that same person made the admission that he/she actually hadn't read Proust. Let me tell you something, you're not allowed to review films on IMDB, use the word "contrivance" or bash American filmmaking unless you've read Proust. Asshole. We were responsible for "BASEketball" for crying out loud!

'Spartacus'

My first recollection of a film named "Spartacus" was when I saw the film "That Thing You Do," a really smart, funny and original movie that chronicled the rise and fall of a fictional 1960s pop-rock band.

In it, the main character, Guy Patterson, attempts a Kirk Douglas impersonation and states, "I am Spartacus."

I assume he was trying to reference the end of this movie although I don't understand it's relation to the Patterson character and the leader of a rebel slave army and claiming to be someone your not in order to be sacrificed for some kind of principle.

I was slightly thankful that the allusion didn't make sense. As it turns out, I wasn't missing out on anything.

This movie is 69 percent better if you take out the love interest. Didn't need it. Tell us the history. Paint for us first century Roman empire.

'Last Broadcast' & 'Lost Souls'

It's odd to me that in this day and age of the Internet, MySpace, YouTube and iTunes that I could go these 29 years without knowing anything about Doves, a British band that apparently has created two separate albums that someone decided I should hear before I die.

I suspect two things are at play: They're British and were never big in the United States. And they group themselves with bands like Spiritualized, Muse and Sparklehorse.

These bands all came up and kinda peaked in the mid- or late-1990s and somehow collected some kind of fandom without me realizing it and then years later I turn around at a rock and roll festival and 3,000 bobbing heads are digging Sparklehorse.

I think these bands were probably very disintersting for my 16-year-old self
and by the time I was old enough to embrace bands like this they were still pretty disinteresting. Except Spiritualized. I like them.

Doves are very generic. Kind of a modern wall of sound with bare-minimum melodies and layers and layers of sound. Unless you go soft or heavy, you need to bring the melody or I'm out. Look at Oasis. They got it. They didn't want to be too loud or too soft, but what they brought had substance and goodness.

I really don't get bands like Doves. No doubt if they played a concert today in my backyard, there'd be thousands and thousands and people there. People that have listened to Doves for 15 years while I read every guitar magazine between the years of 1994-1999 and if they mentioned the band then I completley missed it.

They're just so generic. They're an independent rock band probably not making any money and collecting no real fame and yet they continued to record lousy, boring, uninspired music.

'The Gold Rush'

Nobody makes good movie posters anymore.

'The Bank Dick'

After 29 years, this is my first ever W.C. Fields film.

Always a punchline growing up, I couldn't really name you a Field movie and all I really refer to him is the bulbous red nose, the fat face and the "my lil' chickadee" line.

"The Bank Dick" is highly ridiculous. It runs through a variety of mishaps and happenstance opportunities for Fields' character where he falls backwards into liquor and money despite being a total waste of space.

Meanwhile, Joe from "The Three Stooges" serves as the mysterious bartender.

'The Passion of Joan of Arc'

A great film.

It's greatness can be kinda realized in the photo I've embedded here. This movie was released in the 1920s, not too long after D.W. Griffith and others were making silent films with one camera showing one landscape shot and everything happening within that one frame.

"The Passion ..." is a series of extreme close-ups: From Joan to her judge and jury. No make-up was applied. Thus, you get the dimples and wrinkles in faces. You see the stubble and slope of noses, cheeks, chins, eyes and jaw lines. You see the fat hanging down the priests' faces.

So close up, the contrast is so beautiful and it makes it feel like a film made 30 years later, not in 1928.

Also, the film has an interesting history. The original was destroyed in a fire. Carl Dreyer worked until his death to piece together a second version with outtakes and cut scenes.

Then, in 1981, a complete version was found inside a janitor's closet in an Oslo mental asylum. Needless to say, it was an odd twist to the film's legacy.

'The Phantom of the Opera'

Having never seen any adaptation either in film or on stage, I was intrigued to know that the phantom actually has a name.

Erik.

Erik the phantom.

Yes, Erik could've been the guy in the next cubicle or the friendly barista at your local coffee joint.

And he really wasn't a phantom, a term that suggests a ghostly presence. Instead, he just a due with a boner for a chick and he was willing to sacrifice the lives of others in order to get this chick a regular job.

Erik was certainly a sweet romantic. Nothing says love like murder and terroristic threats.

'Brutal Youth'

Elvis Costello has six albums on the 1,001 Records You Have To Listen To Before You Die. That's pretty good for just about anyone. Six albums considered some of the best records since pop music began.

Costello is the epitome of the pop-rock musician, who never truly had hooks. His songs were poppy and digestable. But he was hardly ever going to get radio airplay even though his songs were ideal for it. There are catchy songs (like Costello's) and then there are songs with hooks (like Kelly Clarkson).

The difference is that Costello gets six albums on the list of the albums you've got to listen to before you die. Clarkson just makes money singing about breaking up with her boyfriend.

'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves'

Have a kid and you'll run through the Disney anthology pretty quickly.

I honestly don't mind most of the Disney films. "Fox and the Hound" did not age well. However, "Peter Pan," "The Jungle Book" and "Robin Hood" are all fantastic films.

I don't dig "Snow White" very much. For one, it's incredibly violent. Killing Snow White and carving out her heart. It is crazy how it's an 88 minute movie and yet it takes about 60 of those minutes to set the film up (Snow White running away; finding the dwarves home; dwarves coming home; dwarves befriending Snow White). It just takes forever.

Reading about it more, it was pretty monumental in terms of filmmaking and animation. Maybe it sucks, but we'd have no "Spirited Away" or "Up" without it.

'Dracula'

I was taken aback at how bad Winona Ryder and Keanu Reeves are at acting. And all the cornball shadow tricks and sticking Dracula's face in the moon and all that jazz.

All up until the point that a friend told me that Francis Ford Coppola did all the tricks on purpose to make it feel like an older film. Then I realized that had to be the reason why Ryder and Reeves were brought in. They had to find some of the worst actors in order to recreate the way people acted in 1935. There's no way anyone would admit this and there's no way this was mentioned to Ryder and Reeves because I'm sure both have too much pride to even imagine this scenario, but I believe it without a doubt in my mind.

Vampires are really popular and, really, have been for quite a long time. I can't imagine a time in the last 100 years or so when the vampire myth and legend haven't been commercially popular. "Twilight" is not so different from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," which was on the air for seven years.

What men don't get about why women love vampires is that it's all about love and romanticism. It dates back to a day and age of nobility and the same love/lost that Jane Austen has sold a billion copies of her books over the last 200 years. It's no different.

What appeals the most is the idea of immortality and, yet, how carnal (human) vampires actually are mixed with this idea of chivalry and class. It's everything that a woman wants. She wants to be swept off her feet, ravaged and then told the man will be with her forever. Why wouldn't women love a good vampire story?

'Dr. Zhivago'

I think it's a really cool story. Funny thing is that I read the book several months ago and just now got around to watching the movie.

I can handle the love junk wrapped up into some historical context, which makes it seem like the history that was taking place was so small and insignificant. I love that. The world was changing all around them and this shift would change the world on so many levels, but all ol' Yuri could think about was somehow dumping his wife and making babies with Julie Christie.

Christie, by the way, is quite a nice piece. If I were Yuri, I'd probably opt for her over my eye-browed wife.

'Gunga Din'

I wonder how Indian people feel about this film? It chronicles of the dark days of British imperialism in their home country. Furthermore, it celebrates Gunga Din, a native, who served as a water carrier for the British Army and just pined to join the ranks and fight for the Queen.

This film was released before India's independence in the 1940s, but you have to think it was a kick in the groin for the country as it just showed a subservient people that wanted nothing other than to serve the white conquerors and, no matter impossible it was, to become the white conqueror.

The worst part was ol' Gunga Din shown as some apparition in British Army uniform, saluting with a big shit-eating grin on his face.

'Aileen Wuornos: The Selling of a Serial Killer'

Documentarian Nick Broomfield had to negotiate a slippery slope with this film.

On one hand, you had a women who murdered a series of men. Aileen Wuornos killed those men. She admitted it and she, eventually, died for it.

However, Broomfield had to tell the true story without exonerating Wuornos for the true crime.

Yes, she killed those men, but the defense that they were going to or did rape or beat her is repeated although it is incredibly flimsy. You can't just going around shooting and killing people due to your repeated behavior.

The true story here is that Wuornos was completely taken advantage of by a born-again Christian observer and a crackpot lawyer. Despite Wuornos crime, this aspect of the story is tragic and sickening. What is interesting is that Broomfield repeatedly mentions the Son of Sam law, which prohibits criminals from profiting from their transgressions. He's told the Son of Sam law didn't apply anymore. This was never explained.

Broomfield, however, does a good job in balancing Wuornos' antics and any sympathy she may get due to these circumstances.

'Seven Samurai'

Really, really good movie.

"Seven Samurai" does something in as little time as needed as a majority of films never get to do in two or three hours.

Somehow, the writers and director completely familarized the audence with the seven samurai without taking time out of the film to explain who these people were. Over the period of the movie, you know these guy and when some die or as the plot twists the audience grimaces and groans.

Character development and the ability to connect with the audience in a positive or negative fashion is incredibly hard to do and you can't always depend on the actor or actress to endear their character to the viewer. Seven no-name Japanese actors look like utter heroes whilst most other characters live or die without anyone caring.

'The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test'

Never in my life has there been a record, book or film that had a bigger gap from the minute I wanted to read it until I actually read it.

I had heard about Tom Wolfe's recollection of the Merry Pranksters when I was 16 and reading Jack Kerouac. It took about 13 years of looking for a copy of "Kool-Aid Test" (see: cheap) until I eventually found one.

I don't think much of Ken Kesey, Timothy Leary or the Merry Pranksters. I do, however, like the idea that LSD was like an evolution, so to speak, of the human mind. As if, the mind had come to a plateau and LSD was the next step to reach some other pantheon of thought and existence. However noble this sounds, when everything turned into an orgy and slackfest, it lost any real credence. Getting high wasn't about reaching some other plane of conciousness, but sitting around and partying.

'Top Hat'

Dancers are thoroughly entertaining. I also think they might be annoying.

I think about dancers like I do Paul McCartney. Now, I'm a gigantic fan of Sir Paul and his entire catalog from The Beatles through his more modern albums.
However, I get the feeling that he's too much of a ham in intimate, face-to-face meetings. I read a New Yorker profile on McCartney and it seemed every time the writer turned around, he was at a piano or cradling a guitar singing and playing.

I see Fred Astaire being like that, only with dance. Like instead of just walking down the street, he starts doing some soft shoe or a waltz.

But that's just my perception.

'Dance, Girl, Dance'

Lucille Ball.

For a majority of people my age and maybe a little older, she's the crazy, whiney redhead from "I Love Lucy."

Ironically, the main theme of the show is that she's married to a Cuban band leader and she undertakes numerous humorous schemes to somehow break in show business, to the chagrin of her husband.

Thinking back, and I may be wrong, Ricky Ricardo never gives his wife, Lucy, a reason as to why he doesn't want her to A) be in show business or B) be in his show.

We assume it's because she's not talented. But it's never specifically noted.

The truth is that Ball was incredibly talented and had quite a career before "I Love Lucy" in the early 1950s. In "Dance, Girl, Dance," all she does is dance, sing and put on a show. In "I Love Lucy," her husband never let her have that shot. Bubbles would've never put up with that.

Another interesting note is that this film came out in 1940, a full decade before she hit the upper echelon of show business in TV. She was 29 years old in 1940, which means she was 40 when "I Love Lucy" was made and even older when she had her first kid (1953, I think).

Ball was incredibly old. Born in 1911, she was six years older than Desi Arnaz. It also means that in the 1970s when she was doing all those "Lucy" shows she was into her 60s. Quite a lady.

'A Christmas Story'

I'm watching it as I type.

I'm not going to pretend I'm something that I'm not: I enjoy a good film, but I am a low-down sucker for Christmas movies.

Ridicule all you want. But I'll start plugging in DVDs and watching TV specials right after Thanksgiving and re-watch until the day after Christmas.

"A Christmas Story" is one of my top 15 or so movies of all time, personally. The writing is impeccable. Darren McGavin and Melinda Dillon give underrated performances. The way they shot it with the 1940s "soft" filter just tops it off.

I first watched it when I was nine or so. My Aunt Linda -- who died about a year or so ago -- was in town for Christmas, staying with us, and realizing I had never seen it thought I should and rented it. I enjoyed it, but it probably took another eight or so years before I would watch it again, when TBS plays it 24 hours straight around Christmas Day.

Since, I've probably watched it no less than 100 times. Probably closer to 150 times. That's a good estimate.

Each time, however, I see something new. Some detail like a facial expression, costume, the way a character delivers a line. I also try to nail down the exact year the film is set in. It's clearly the 1940s, but it has to be post-1945 because there would have to be allusions to the war.

Basically, we're chronicling a low- to middle-class family in a smallish city in the Midwest after the nation trudged through the Depression and through a war that basically changed the world.

It's interesting to me to think about these things: Placing a fictional story within some real historical context.

'Invasion of the Body Snatchers'

What was it with filmmakers in the 1950s and their inability to craft a reasonably good science fiction movie?

I got bored about 15 minutes into this movie and it's just the same for "The Day the Earth Stood Still." Just boring, boring, boring.

They're not scary in the least, not disturbing or grotesque. In any art form, there's never been a greater difference of quality between 1950s sci-fi and modern sci-fi. It's night and day. Beatles records still hold up. Paintings from the '50s don't get worse with time.

These sci-fi attempts just stink.

Fun fact: Reading up about this film, many people adopt a theme of socialist paranoia and how it was enveloping the nation due to McCarthyism and whatnot. Producer Walter Mirisch later wrote that any communist sub-themes were all incidental and that there was no intention of taking on such a hot-button issue. Rightfully so.

'Bandwagonesque'

Even as a young fan of rock music, I never took Teenage Fanclub seriously. And why should I? Even at 12 or 13 I realized they didn't even take themselves or the music seriously.

Which, in hindsight, is rather refreshing considering how damn seriously, say, Kurt Cobain took everything.

Even so, the idea of "selling out" was a new idea to me at the time. I thought artists were signed or paid to do their skill because they were good and no matter what kind music or direction they took was just a natural flow from one album (painting, book, film) to another.

Older and wiser, I realize that money talks.

However, this separates the men from the boys. I really don't know how interested Nirvana was in doing the "Unplugged" album and I would bet that it was more of a commercial decision than an artistic one. However, what did they do? Oh, just drugg up a Bowie tune, a couple of Meat Puppets and a Leadbelly tune and just rewrote how bands looked at their songs. It's a magnificent album, Nirvana lost zero cred and Courtney Love is making tons of money off of it.

Teenage Fanclub wasn't telling anyone with any brains anything different than what they already knew or would know. However, you don't have to be all smarmy about it.

'Nine Queens'

Quite a while back I commented on a filmmaker's relative inability to completely throw a savvy, well-watched movie fan off the scent for a big twist in the plot.

This goes back to my synopsis of "The Usual Suspects" when in the first 30 minutes I knew that Kevin Spacey was the big bad guy.

Maybe foreign directors have a leg up in stumping American movie fans. "Nine Queens" got me. Kinda.

I knew the twist was coming. Even when you think the twist was played out, I knew there was something amiss and I kept waiting, but I never figured it out. Maybe smarter people would've figured it out faster.

This is an incredibly smart action/thriller and if you can stand the subtitles it's better than any "Ocean's 11" or any of those spy/crime things Americans eat up with regularity.

'The Treasure of the Sierra Madre'

A really interesting film only because of the plot twist in which the man we'd most like to root for (Bogie) turns out to be a total prick. Not only does the audience turn, but so do the people in the film.

And although they don't necessarily win (say, get the gold), they definitely do not follow in Bogie's footsteps in terms of, you know, dying.

I can't imagine another film like this. Often, the bad guy wins and that's OK. But never does everyone not win and hardly is the audience's allegiance yanked around like a rag doll.

In general, I could take or leave this film.

'Pearl'

It's interesting listening to two Janis Joplin-led albums (this one and "Cheap Thrills") because she basically based her career with bands that just wanted to jam all the time.

Therefore, one of the premiere, unique and identifiable voices in rock history generally associated herself with bands that didn't want any singing in the first place.

Or maybe she knew she couldn't sing (she couldn't) and hooked up with jam bands on purpose.

On the whole, Joplin is pretty unlistenable. No doubt she has appeal but I would want someone to explain that appeal to me. I guess for many, Joplin is as independent as they'll ever get. It's raw, dirty, dissonant, unpolished and rusty in the same way as an early White Stripes album.

'Haxan' & 'Rosemary's Baby'

So, are witches real?

On one hand, you'd think I would know a witch. Like a witch from Hogwarts. By the way, in "The Goblet of Fire," Hogwarts has the British Isles witches. And the French girl's school visits along with the school of boys from Eastern Europe.

Where is the American school? African? Asian? South American? I would think the American delegation would've given the French and British a good run for their money.

However, I digress.

At some point, if witches were indeed real, I would have met one. I knew some Wiccans in college, but to my knowledge they're not witches. Not even close.

The thing is, there are so many references in various pieces of pop cultures, at some point it becomes feasible in my brain. I don't doubt witches don't exist, I just don't know any and at 29 years old, you'd think I would have.

"Rosemary's Baby" is creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppyyyyyyy.

'White Heat'

I've been fascinated with a certain archetype in film, TV and books, but I've never been able to define it.

I think of James Cagney's characters from "Public Enemy" and "White Heat." Or Tony Soprano, Joe Pesci's "Tommy" from Goodfellas.

Unironically, "White Heat" was a common pop culture reference on HBO's "The Sopranos," as it was referred to as Tony's favorite film. Appropriate since Cagney's character and Soprano had a lot of similarities including the nutty mother and the scheming partners in crime.

In a biography of music producer Phil Spector, author Mick Brown quoted critic Kenneth Tynan in regards to a type of person that fits this description: The Imposer.

Tynan defines these individuals as "One about whom one worriesw whether his repsone to one's next remark will be a smile or snarl."

Perfect.

I watch these films and TV shows just waiting for them to explode. Their fuses are perpetually lit and ready to blow due to years of always looking for the bullet in the back of the head or generally being crapped on their entire lives.

Poor Cagney. So old and fat at this point. Almost looks like a different person than the energetic and happy George Cohan from "Yankee Doodle Dandy," filmed just seven years earlier.

'The Seventh Seal'

A mesmerizing film. Haunting and memorable. I can't find any better adjectives for a film.

Ingmar Bergman is a superior director and storyteller. I really can't say enough about this film. It's so good that I'm apt to purchase it at some point.

I would if I wasn't so scared to death of death. It's probably my biggest insecurity and I really can't imagine getting over it any time soon.

Often, while trying to sleep, I lay in the dark and think about death, eternity and it drives me nuts. Really. If I'm in a asylum in 20 years, that's why. I try to wrap my small brain around the idea of God, eternity and death (which could happen at any moment and it's so unfair that life should end just whenever). It's really maddening. I can't explain it. I don't know why I do it. I grew up learning about God and eternity, but the biggest question I ever had was why dinosaurs weren't included in the Bible. A question that was never properly explained, still, it didn't shake my faith.

Damn Bergman for that haunting shot, hundreds of yards away, of the company doing "death's dance."

Anyway, I might not buy "The Seventh Seal" after all.

'Yankee Doodle Dandy'

I like that the real George Cohan -- portrayed by James Cagney -- watched the film and called it a good movie, but asked who it was about.

That's what drives me crazy about modern "historical" films like the Disney films that try to replicate some experience of some apparently fantastic person that overcame something. Everything based on a true story of course.

It's the "based" that skews everything. That basically tells me that writers got a hold of someone's story and wrote some dramatic version in order to sell tickets and DVDs.

"Yankee Doodle Dandy" is actually a really good film no matter if writers and directors change things to make it something that it isn't.

Cagney alone is worth the price of admission. What a fucking talent. Known as the rough criminal gangster, the guy was a terrific dancer and a sparkling personality.

'Umberto D'

A cute little movie. If you want to delve into modern European film, "Umberto D" is a great place to start.

It's short and extremely easy to sink your teeth into. Very well acted, an accessible story and a cute dog.

Watch "Umberto D" and then attack Fellini, Bergman, Lang and Godard.

'Yi Yi'

This movie is three long hours and I frankly don't remember a minutes. I typically don't mind subtitles. I actually enjoy them more than not.

However, three hours of subtitles with a going-nowhere plot, inane conversations and a bunch of characters that do not require any buy-in nor do they deserve any real investment from the viewer.

If I was Taiwanese, this would probably be my "Godfather."

'All Quiet on the Western Front'

Can you believe we used to fight wars like that? That was just a little under 100 years ago. In a civilized land.

Horses? Clubs? Bayonets? Trenches?

How ineffective and inefficient!

Not that war today is anymore awesome and not that wars still aren't waged with such barbaric weapons as gas, chemicals, machetes and land mines. They are. What movies like this just reinforce time and again -- no matter what century -- is war, what is it good for? Absolutely nothing.

Speaking of the trenches, how were they dug? Was war enacted and people from that country went as far east as they could and started digging? If they had used their resources for, say, fighting instead of digging trenches, would we look at this war differently?

And how do you remain a head of state during this travesty and think, "Hey! I think things are going pretty well!"? Clueless.

'Frankenstein' & 'Bride of Frankenstein'

A popular point of discussion nowadays deals with vampires. Considering how amazingly popular they are, especially among females, it always comes back to some headier explanation when you consider the origins and myths behind such characters as Dracula, Frankenstein and a werewolf.

Reading Mary Shelley's "Frankenstein," you realize there's a grander theme that she was trying to get over to her audience about creation, human nature, blind hatred, science and much more. This is no different with the vampire or werewolf myth.

There's a rawness and darkness with all these characters. Mixing their abilities with their weaknesses and failures. How they're part human and part monster or animal. How their notion of right and wrong is skewed by some unstoppable force or affliction.

For the most part, at our worst, there's a little bit of Frankenstein's monster in all of us -- the rage, the confusion, the inability to cope with the humanness of it all.

'She Done Him Wrong'

My first exposure Mae West was during her guest appearance on "Mister Ed."

I assumed she was the end-all, be-all of Hollywood starlets.

Probably 22 years later, I finally get around to watching one of her movies.

One of her 12 movies. Yes, West lived until she was 87 and made 12 total movies, which included a hiatus between 1943 and 1970 and then another stretch through 1978. Eight of those 12 were made within a five-year period between 1932-1937.

I also didn't know that she wrote a lot of her own movies, including "She Done Him Wrong," which launched Cary Grant's career.

She was also 5-1. Which makes her a spinner.