'The Lord Of The Rings: The Fellowship Of The Ring'

There's something about the modern epic that just turns me off. The acting, writing, technology and ability is all there. What kills filmmakers these days is sentimentality.

Peter Jackson and others like him want to force emotion on to you. They want you to sit there as and keep forcing the square peg in the circle hole. Eventually, they want you to somehow empathize with these characters in great anguish.

It's all The Fellowship of the Ring is. It's Elijah Wood's Frodo laboring under the pressure and alienation of carrying the ring. That of Viggo Mortenson's personal self-doubt as the heir to the Gondor throne.

It's Sean Astin as Sam Gamgee being overly emotional and eerily attached to Frodo. It's Sean Bean's Boromir wrestling with the undying urge to grasp the ring of power and to wield it as he saw fit.

This isn't The Lord of the Rings; it's an episode of Oprah.

These are not the emotions or actions of simple heroes. How can Aragorn be so conflicted about his own ability and role in the history of Middle Earth and yet look like the coolest motherfucker as he fights 100 orcs at one time? In battle, all of these characters have little doubt or question about their ability. They're killing machines and it's a wonder why they would ever field an army of orcs because it's a 200 to 1 killing ratio.

However, when the battle ends is when the emotions come out and the aloof nature of these characters and the forlorn looks and characters on the verge of tears. How insulting! We're not robots. We know how to feel. We do not understand the pressure of the chore or what it feels to be always in danger, but we can imagine. We can feel on our own. We don't need Elijah Wood doing it for us.